The art of being enchanted with the life you have

View from East Rock Park, New Haven, CT. 

    I've heard it exhaustively that the first condition for the good life is to inhabit the present. The Latin appeal “carpe diem” has been with me since I was little and I watched the movie “The Society of Dead Poets”.

    Extracted from a poem by the philosopher and poet Horace — carpe diem quam minimum credula postero, literally, “seize the day and trust as little as possible in tomorrow” — sums up all human ambition. The appeal of Stoic-Epicurean origin teaches that we must enjoy the good in life at every moment, since the future is uncertain.

    Since then, nothing has changed. We humans continue to know that this is the best way to live. What is the recommendation to fight anxiety and depression? “Live today”. Meditation and yoga are prescribed as antidotes against the ills of the hyper-stimulated and fast-paced society. What these practices ask for: focus on the breath, focus on the present moment.

    But why, despite these permanent appeals, do we remain prisoners of the past and the future? What is wrong? What is missing? One fundamental emotion is missing: admiration. It is the basis of love — whether for someone, for an idea, for the present or for the life you have. One might think that this appeal today is unfair. After all, in the middle of a pandemic - confined - all we want is to escape the present. How is it possible not to anchor yourself in the past or dream of the future? Our hobby today is imagining the future. We are glimpsing the enchantment of travel, restaurants, museums, cafes and everywhere that has doors.

    Here is the first obstacle: how to admire the banal, routine life, with bills to pay? How to love today when nothing happens as we would like? How to love with fatigue, with crisis and without perspective? When we think of an admirable life, we never think of our own. We tend to covet other people's lives. Who never thought their life needed a screenwriter? And here we arrive at the stoic solution. The world will never be the way you would like it to be and you have no power over it. The solution is not in the view, but in looking at the view. And it is in this task, it is for this fundamental change that we need emotions.

    When talking about the emotions that make life better, much emphasis is placed on joy and empathy. Very little is said about admiration. Which is understandable. Common sense defines admiration as a pleasant emotion that seizes us in the face of something extraordinary, beautiful or unexpected. But admiration is much more than that. A sophisticated and first-rate emotion, admiration has spiritual, moral and aesthetic components. What is not said is that it does not necessarily have to be random, rare or a matter of luck. It doesn't have to be something that happens to us. Admiration can be rationally aroused and be part of our everyday life.

    We no longer enjoy admiration because we internalize that it is an emotion for special occasions, such as travel. We believe that admiration is only aroused in front of monuments, works of art, exuberant nature or paradisiacal places. What is the emotion that is directly associated with the noblest of the human sciences, philosophy? The admiration. In the history of thought, admiration is considered the first condition of philosophy. This is another misconception: the belief that admiration is only possible in the face of the unprecedented, of what is revealed to us for the first time. After all, who is enchanted by a monument in their own city? Who delights in ordinary, familiar life? Only the extraordinary life is admirable.

    We can admire ourselves every day and even without leaving home. There are a multitude of simple things, in our daily lives, that have great potential for admiration. Just be careful. Example? A book can be an inexhaustible source of admiration.

    Immersed in the universe of the book, we live in a permanent state of enchantment and I didn't want to leave it. And whenever we want to rescue this enchantment, it is enough to reread excerpts from the work.

    When everything changes and you find yourself in a strange and unfamiliar place. Is it possible to use admiration? From the. In the Disney classic, Snow White finds herself abandoned and alone in the woods. It's night, the atmosphere is scary. She is afraid and cries herself to sleep. When she wakes up, she looks around, sees birds, animals and nature in all its splendor. And as she is in a clearing, she feels directly illuminated by the sun. What does Snow White do? Does she recall recent events and resume tears? Does she think about what she will do from now on? Not. She contemplates the beauty of the scenery, kneels down and thanks the universe for having created such beautiful things. She rejoices and her drama becomes more bearable.

    Admiration is not just for great deeds or special occasions; for extraordinary moments or to soften a sadly unsustainable world. It is an emotion for all seasons and scenarios. We need it every day. It must be part of our way of looking at the world. Admiration does not change the world, but it does change the perspective and the way we look at it. Admiration increases our tolerance for uncertainty and helps us to welcome whatever happens to us, whatever it may be.

    Be enchanted by the life that appears before your eyes. Enjoy what you are doing right now — like reading this post on my blog. Enjoy the life you have. Enjoy today.

 Scavenger Hunt at Yale Center of British Art

Just to register.

DIRECTION:

Take the elevator to the 4th floor.

Turn right and see a sculpture of crumpled paper. 

Turn right again and see a photo scribbled in ink.

Turn right again and walk forward and you will find this…

WRITING (dialogue):

"On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Florence, the Gore Family was gathered once again for a celebration.

Charles Gore: What do you think about playing this song, my love?

Mary Gore: You know our daughter's taste. She doesn't like this song. It has to be a perfect song for their marital union.

Charles Gore: Well, you are right! While you choose the song, I'll tune my cello.

George Cowper: You look beautiful today, my dear! It's all going perfectly fine! This village of mine is beautiful.

Hannah Gore: Just missing the food!

Elizabeth Gore: Wow, what an ugly man Hannah found.

Adelaide Gore: But he's rich! He owns land and can give her dresses and hair, Beth. Don't you want to have one like that?

Elizabeth Gore: Of course Ade! I want a man with a lot of villages."

I hope you find your "secret society"

    I fought a lot, with myself, in the last few years. You know when you're in a tug of war, not sure which side is going to give in first, but the result is just a heaviness in your chest and your throat closed? So it is. I was like this.

    I was trying, insistently, to be part of a group, to have my crowd and say around 'look how amazing, I'm part of this cool crowd!'.

    What I've noticed is that we keep stuffing ourselves in boxes, looking for a sense of belonging that never comes. And then comes the tug of war, chest pain and closed throat inside us.

    Do you know what I'm talking about? We try to fit into a profile and act like other people of the same profile act to see if we meet, somehow. And the feeling is one of self-betrayal. I'm betraying myself, choking myself, trapping myself in a closet and throwing the key away, until the moment it's going to leave me so breathless that I'll have to break down the doors to breathe or let myself slowly suffocate.

    Dramatic, but that's how it goes.

    We keep trying to adapt the way we act, the things we like and what we do to fit this pattern. In this little thing that we think will make us important in the world. We are giants, and we find ourselves closed in a section half a centimeter high by half a centimeter wide. And then it's easy for us to think we're wrong all the time, after all, it's really hard to adapt who we are to fit into a mindset that doesn't really represent us. Oh my God, this is it. it's trying to insist on an idea that has nothing to do with us.

    It's just one little box out of a million that we try to get into every day, and one that, I realized, kept trying to get into myself. and, look, I'll say that it gives me great relief to realize that I don't need to get into this little box to try to be accepted.

    In fact, I don't need to go into any box to be accepted at any time.

    It is easy for us to think that the feeling of belonging comes from outside of us. I have to be part of a group, somehow, to feel like I'm seen by people and that I matter in some way. That's what validates my importance in the world, my existence, the reason I'm here.

    I confess, I'm also afraid to let go of it all. From these little boxes, these ideas, this incessant search to be part of a group and force a bar to fit in. “I do it in an X way because it will look nicer”, “this other thing, I do it in a Y way because someone will notice me more”. But tired, right? We get a little exhausted after all this effort.

    And then there's a very sincere moment, mine, yours, ours, of giving up on this without fear of saying goodbye to old things that no longer serve. For this invented obligation that we have to belong somewhere and have to do something X or Y and have to act in a certain way to be accepted and to have a place in the sun.

    There's nothing, girl. Have nothing.

    The only thing you have to do... is be who you are. It's finding the place of comfort and acceptance within you. It's remembering, that above all, you are already accepted by those who matter most, and who loves you. And we've been kind of forgetting about it, looking around the world for a solution to a lack that has nothing to do with the amount of likes on the photo or being invited to go out to eat with college friends on Friday night.

    I'm not saying it's easy, okay? Not even that it's simple to get in touch with it, because it's much easier for us to fall into the empty speech of self-love and not realize that we have to change the way we think to exercise in the world who we really are.

    It's a workout.

    There are days when we slip and want to throw ourselves on the floor and cry all the tears in the world. Some days it gets simpler. Changing your mind, letting go of one more of these ties, is as simple as putting on your sneakers in the morning.

    But what I understand from this whole emotional roller coaster is that there is an outlet for the things that I feel and that I don't need to fit in anywhere.

    I don't need to make an effort, I don't need to fight with myself, or do things that I disagree with myself to be accepted. I don't have to force a bar, hold both sides of the rope at the same time. And I can feel different things than I feel today. Wait! I deserve to feel different things than I feel today.

    I can drop everything and start over.

    But I start again from another place, remembering all that I've seen. I hope you see it too, when your time comes.

    I feel hopeful that this will pass. And that, little by little, I am freeing myself from these bonds, to exercise what I am.

    Here at Yale University, I have my circle of friends with my sister. Living constantly and daily with her, I realize that in this relationship neither of them would do the favor of getting a glass of water for the other sister. However, I would give my life to save hers. And I think she would give her life for me.

    I also have what I call my "secret society" here. For me it's secret because nobody knows I call it that, but it makes me be who I am and express myself the way I think is best. This “society” is found on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 2 pm to 4 pm. It's the Memoir Blogging class. But I carry a lot of wisdom with me in this society when I'm not with it. And I learn a lot about myself when I'm with them.

My "secret society" not so secret now, at The Good Life Center.

My "secret society" not so secret now, at The Good Life Center.

With love, from a little star.

With love, 

From a little star.

Leitner Family Observatory & Planetarium

    For when you start to think about the deeper questions, full of unanswered questions and full of experiences that are difficult to assimilate:

Dear and loving future children,

    Little stars that follow dark paths in the sky, spend day and night brightening. They have a light of their own, a light that always, always shines, but is not always seen. And that even if most of the day they are not recognized, if they were not there, if they all "traveled" without return, they would be missed, because the day would be darker and the night almost imperceptible.

    And so this is how each little star fulfills its role and that even if one of them in particular doesn't want to play it, the others need your help so that the milky way can be completely observed. You can take a different path, every now and then, it's allowed to get tired and off for a night, but the stars know they can never escape being stars.

    Therefore, I wish you never to forget that we are just a little star, a speck of dust suspended in the immanence that is the Universe. And it is here, on this tiny stage, that you will experience the totality of your joys and sufferings. It is here, in this microscopic world, that you will make choices, decide the direction of your heart and touch other lives.

    We won't always be able to live without hurting someone, but I want you to take responsibility when that happens, and that the damage is as little as possible. Ask forgiveness. Fix your mistakes. Try to learn from them. May you not delude yourself into thinking you are bigger than someone else just because you have a nice wardrobe, hold such a position in the company, or travel abroad every year. All this is good, it earns a lot of applause, diplomas and likes on Instagram, but it doesn't make us better or worse than anyone else.

    What makes us better, really, is the ability to have compassion and empathy. The commitment to be solidary, reciprocal and transparent in our relationships. The ability to look into the eyes of those we love and demonstrate the truths of our hearts, even if it causes pain at the time. The virtue of owning up to our mistakes, of not making ourselves victims, of not cowering in the face of our own weaknesses. And finally, respect for everyone, never forgetting that we are together in the same boat, that we are part of a totality, and that even if we imagine ourselves as giants, we are just small specks of dust in a vast Universe.

With love,

From a little star, 

Your future Mom.

And let life take me, life take me!

Gothic architectural lighting found on the right side door of the Sterling Memorial Library

My Sketch

    Sometimes life can be quite chaotic. Things don't go the way we want. Not even like we don't want. Things never ask for our opinion. 

    We create the illusion that we can control how we feel, how the other feels, how things happen. However, this is not real and living life as if you can control everything around you is desperate. 

    The insect built a nest despite the hand wanting to control the light. I think the hand was not able to stay in power.

    Stop to think about the weight this brings us. If we have the idea that we control everything, anything that goes wrong becomes our responsibility. After all, if I control everything and something goes wrong, I'm to blame.

    And that's not a happy way to live life. Accepting that you don't control many things is liberating.

    Let go of the illusion of control. Let go of the things you don't control and focus more on realizing the situations you can, in fact, control.

    You can't control your emotions, but you can learn to relate to them in a healthier way. You can learn to engage in behaviors that make you feel better.

    You can't control how the other feels, but you can learn to interact, communicate, express needs and emotions more assertively.

    Today, in particular, it was terribly hot, I can't control the heat (I would love to), but I can think of ways to reduce it, like going to the park later because I know it will be cooler there.

How to eat books?

Reading a book is like having a meal

Beinecke Rare Book & Manuscript Library

    My plate is usually the cover and back cover of an open book. The senses are the cutlery: I smell the book, the texture of the paper, I see the words available in the space, I hear the turning of the pages. The flavor of each sentence I experience as I chew in thought and as I roll the passages back and forth in imagination. A book is eaten with clean hands, attentive eyes, an open mind. And keeps the affective memory, takes breaks for digestion, ends and wants more.

    There are people who are boring to eat books. These people look from afar, poke with their fingertip and, without proving anything, say they don't like it. Did they have a bad experience when they were in the intro reading phase? Perhaps, lack of experience... Because there is a book for all tastes. I dare say it's impossible not to like it. However, different texts are not always enjoyed in the same way. Depends on the ingredients, the consistency. There are books that prove themselves and don't go down well. So it's saved for another occasion.

   When I appreciate it, I feel the need to taste all the spices the book has. On the other hand, there are readings that are done in bursts, digging into the content with will and exhausting it quickly. How do you appreciate?

   Regardless of the format, the rule still applies: the more variety, the better. Variety of styles, themes, cultural contexts and genre of authors. I understand that no one is obligated to eat/read anything. It's a matter of choices.

    

    Always eating the same thing is monotonous and ends up producing thoughts that can go unnoticed. The reasoning becomes “addicted”, molded like an old shoe, and the worldview gains more and more narrow borders. On the other hand, having different reading experiences broadens the reader's palate and what seemed strange at first can become cherished.

    I know what it's like to be in a bookstore or library – or even an online sale – and I feel like I am at an all-inclusive inn. That desire to carry a mountain of books home, to the point where I can't be seen behind it, to put everything in my mouth at once, to do nothing but read, read, read...

    Yes, our existence is very long but we have limited time to taste everything on the literary buffet. We can only do our best while we are in it, with awareness, with balance, making constancy our greatest ally.

Anxiety, an unfortunate roller coaster ride 

"The Riddler Revenge" at Six Flags New England

    I am at an amusement park and I see a roller coaster that I love. With the intention of seizing the moment, I gets in line to buy the ticket. The sun gets hot, so when I finally get my ticket, I am already tired.

    But that doesn't matter, after all I am in an amusement park! So I sit on the wagon of the "Riddler Revenge" ride and set out to have fun. However, all of a sudden, my car does a fast 360º turn, and what would have been fun at first, doesn't look so good anymore. My thoughts thrash around and around and around. I can't stop and the tension is continuous and I feel like my heart will stop at any moment. I go up and down, I go through a dark tunnel several times, I lose control and my stomach is upside down.

    Finally the journey ends. I walk out of there numb with intense fear, unable to think clearly, deeply drained, and feeling like I have been dug up by a bulldozer. Feeling anxious is like riding a roller coaster and the ride is not fun. I know that both the trip and the attack will end sooner or later, I know that I have a peak in height and that from there I can only reduce the intensity.

    However, it feels very bad, it bothers me excessively, and it makes me feel like a storm cloud that strips me of my belongings and even my identity. If at any time you suffer from “anxiety attacks” it is good to keep this metaphor in mind as I have mine. That is, it is very important to remember that, when anxiety appears, it will disappear by itself like smoke through the door which it entered, because it is only a matter of time.

    Time is about knowing yourself, knowing your emotions. This is a way to prepare for this roller coaster of life. Knowing where the loops are, being able to hold on to the descent and taking a deep breath on the way up. It is impossible to stop life. Impossible to always walk in a straight line. What we can do is avoid panic at every turn and who knows, be able to enjoy that delicious butterflies in the stomach.

 

Make your bed

By Talita Machado Neves

    Hey guys! Welcome to my first blog post. Hope you like the subject! :)

    Since when I was a child, and I asked my father for help to solve a problem, he would tell me to make my bed: "go up stairs, make your bed and after doing that you will have the solution."

    I once asked him what was the relationship between my bed and my problems. He very wisely told me that the messy bed is the mirror of life, so every time you have something messy, some area of your life manifests mess. Every time you have something disorganized, that disorganization is reflected in your life. 

    When I visited the Yale Art Gallery, I came across a bronze sculpture of a nude woman with her right arm extended upward and her left arm and immediately I remembered my father talking about making the bed. This figure was sculpted by the French artist Edgar Degas from 1882 to 1895 and is called "Dancer Ready to Dance with the Right Foot Forward". This dancer had an impeccable body organization, you could see the mastery of the body she had to do the ballet pose. Certainly, she shouldn't even have problems in life just because she presented a perfect body organization. She should probably make her bed every day.

"Dancer Ready to Dance with the Right Foot Forward" (1882-1895), by Edgar Degas. 

    Based on this experience with my father and seeing the sculpture of a dancer, I was thinking that we are a reflection of the universe. We have a world inside of us. Our home is a reflection of their emotional states. If we have within us a reflection of the world, when it is internally disorganized, it manifests this externally including in dance.

    When this outer manifestation comes first, you can rearrange your inner world by symbolically showing that you are tidying up on the outside.

    The universe works like this: what's inside is outside. What is above is below. What is on one side is on the other. So if you always remember that you can influence the inside with the outside and vice versa, you have the key to total organization.

    The moment you clean your bed and throw away what is no good, you are symbolically reprogramming your interior. It is one of the best keys to achieving serenity and answers to very difficult problems. 

    Enjoy, and make your bed. It will definitely help you to find solution to many of your problems.